Start of a brand new year=)

02 Jan 14, 3.17pm

Today is the 2nd day of year 2014, which marks the beginning of a new year. 2013 had passed by very quickly, which makes me sit down and think what did I achieve during this period.

Firstly, start with relationship, I know that I've always come in to blog whenever I quarrelled with him. Hence, today, my purpose is to note down all the happy things which I will want to remember forever instead. His course started in 2012, not long after we just started too. It wasn't easy for both of us as he had to juggle between his work, his school, his friends, his family and lastly me. Especially when he had so much assignments to complete for both his work and school, I think I almost drove him crazy. The idea of me becoming an obstacle for him to achieve all this was constantly on my mind and I felt very lonely too at times, this makes the option of breaking up pops up frequently in me. However, I'm grateful that even though I always threw tantrums, he never once did let go of my hand. After school, work or even friends gathering, he'll make it a point to come to my house and listen to what I wanted to say. Refusing to pick up phone calls, ignoring all the messages and cry real hard when he's beside me, showed that he's really patience towards me. I can't guarantee that I won't throw tantrums again in future because sometimes he really gets on my nerves but what I know is, I won't let go of him too. I've chosen him as my life partner and am willing to go through thick and thin with him together in future. Hope our relationship will get better day by day until we grow old together.

Secondly, which is my work. I felt stagnant as I continue to work in my company and went to apply for positions so that I can leave. Although I went through all the interviews but the contract wasn't up to my expectations hence I decided to look for other jobs. At that moment when I thought that I was going to leave, my heart was so heavy, I didn't know why. However, I guess I really treat most of my colleagues as part of my family already. I hope the new job scope in the lab will help in my development, otherwise I may find another job someday, but maybe not too soon. I am thankful that I have family members, my sister, uncle and auntie to help me in the contract, or else I would have been cheated of my money. I would say that it's an experience gained and wish that I will have better offers in future.

Lastly, my family. Although mum and dad has not been working for couple of years, I hope that they do take care of their own health. Several times fainted in public places make me worry for my mum when she's out. It also causes her confidence level to sink and she dare not go out alone by herself anymore. I wish that my daily nagging will help a bit in improving their lives and will continue my nagging this year too. I hope that my health will improve too, I must stop falling sick before I'm able to exercise to get healthier.

PS: Hope 2014 will be a better year, I only wish that everyone will be healthy and happy. =)

insomia

Recently keep having insomnia, arriving of night time seems to be a troubled thing for me. Since I can't sleep I shall voice out all my displeasure in here, hope that it'll help a bit.

Sometimes I think that staying single, maybe growing old with myself is a good thing. At least I know that I dote on myself, I spent enough time on myself. So what if one is in a relationship when you have to wait for others to dote for you? Moreover the person has got no spare time...quite pathetic...only when there's spare time then I'll come into mind. 

People always say that if that person is really so important to you, you'll arrange properly to ensure that she/he is well care and love for. Not long ago, I just somehow feel like I'm a dog, always waiting at a corner for my owner to pay attention to me, maybe sometimes when my owner is free, he can bring me out for a walk. Whether a heart is sincere or not, after few relationships, can't I tell? No...I'm just lying to myself that I'm unreasonable, he has got no no no time At All. 

Through normal conversation like messaging, chatting already can tell if that person is eager to see yr msg or its just a "I can always reply later or I don't think there's a need to reply" attitude. Maybe the frustration and depressing mood in me now is due to I try to hold on inside me for so long. So what if we had a chat, my point always doesn't get through since you think that what you did is more than sufficient? I'm sorry, but being through those relationship tells me that I must learn how to love myself before I can learn how to love others. I'm sorry, even if I have to fork out all my savings to salvage the situation which I created, I won't marry a man that I think he doesn't love me enough. I won't let myself suffer for a whole life facing someone who is like that. If I have a choice, I would rather stay single than to let my heart get hurt over and over again, thinking that there's always a way out and one day you will love me when  you have time. Thinking too much may be what you think I'm doing but honestly, if you love me enough will I have time to think of all these nonsense to hurt and console myself?? What is giving enough love? Guess you won't know for now..

Still feeling hurt but at least I confessed all my feelings here...I feel a tiny bit better..guess I can go back to my bed and continue staring my the walls. 

Although we are from the same family but sometimes I just wonder why are all three of us so different? I just don't understand how is a person able to tolerate a few days without bathing and yet can complain about problems caused by personal hygiene. Not all things have to be say out as it causes embarrassment. However, even if I had tried that, it didn't work. How in this world, can u rot in the room?? It's not that something major had happened, life is still the same so far...there's a decent roof over our heads, there's parents cooking for us when we are back. I just don't understand at all...and sometimes I feel painful and stress when I think that I'm leaving this house in few years time. Will there be anyone to tidy up the house? Will you continue to live yr life as it is? Credit cards....bla bla bla...so many things to worry about which I'm suppose to keep it from mum and dad and I've keep this secret for years. I just hope that you will buck up in life and think through thoroughly. I know that some people wont wake up their idea even till the day they die...I hope that won't happen to you. There is only so much I can do for you. Even if you think I'm abandoning you I have nothing to say because I didnt.  I did reject my friends and him before because of you just that I dont say it out. It's so frustrating to see you like that but I can't help much.